Having Difficulties Uplifting Your Child’s Moods? Strategies that will increase resilience.

Being a parent can be quite challenging at times.  We all want the best for our children and sometimes it feels as though we are not providing them with the necessary skills that increase our child's abilities to effectively manage throughout their life.  No matter what we do or what we do not do as parents, there are always strategies that we can encourage our children to participate in or take on board.  As parents, we are in the prime position to influence our children in how to manage their emotions, thoughts, and difficulties that occur on a daily basis.  Children learn from the significant people in their lives through modeling.

Let us as parents, do what we can to teach our children how to manage their lives effectively, to increase our children's levels of resilience.  If we can do this effectively we can actively impact our children's ability to be happy when our children are not with us, not rely on others for input on improving their lives, make the right decisions for themselves as well as take control of their lives.  If we teach our children strategies while they are young children or teenagers then when they are young adults they have already learned the necessary skills that are required to function optimally within our world.  

Try some of the following techniques with your children on a regular basis until these strategies become automatic.  Let them know that by doing these techniques regularly they can become stronger emotionally and are able to manage many more situations, difficulties, and challenges that occur in their everyday lives.

Strategies that teach mindfulness can help children regulate their emotions, decrease stress and increase concentration and happiness.

Teach your child the necessary skills they need in their life to be happy and content.

Technique One

STOP, BREATHE, FOCUS

This exercise increases the ability to reduce the feelings, thoughts and physical sensations that have resulted from the business of life.  Any over activation within our bodies can be targeted, which may reduce symptoms of hyperactivity, anxiety, depression, and stress while at the same time increase calmness, relaxation and pleasant emotions within the mind and body.  By focusing on your thoughts, emotions or physical sensations your child will be able to prevent and reduce negative thoughts, emotions or physical sensations from taking control.  

1. Start this exercise by scanning your body slowly from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.  To make it easier your child may like to imagine a shape or colour move over each individual section of the body.  Focus on the physical sensations that you feel in your head, neck, shoulders, down both arms to your fingertips, down your chest, back, stomach, buttocks, and down your legs to the tips of your toes.

2. Next focus on your thoughts that present in your mind.  Just allow the thoughts to enter and when they are ready to leave your mind.  Do not judge the thoughts that you experience.  Try to just be present by taking long deep slow breathes in your nose, breathing your breath into your abdomen, then exhaling your breath slowly out through your nose or mouth.  Your thoughts will not be consistent they will change from one topic to another.  That is ok and as usual.  Just focus on observing whatever presents in your mind.

3. Then take a few deep long slow breathes and move your attention to your emotions.  Do not judge your emotions, just sit and observe.  Notice how your emotions change in intensity, in the location within your body and the type of emotion that you feel.  This is usual.  Emotions are continually changing within our body.  Every emotion is important and tells you information that is important for your welfare.  If it is an intensely negative emotion you may need to practice this exercise longer until the negative emotion leaves your body.

Teaching your child to breathe effectively helps them manage their emotions in all situations.

Technique Two

FOCUS ON YOUR BREATHE

Breathe in through your nose for a count of 10.  Then breathe out for a count of 10.  For 5 minutes or longer if you are able to, complete the following steps:

1. Focus on your breathe.  

2. Focus on the feel the air moving in and out of your nostrils.

3. Focus on the feel of the air on the tip of your nose.

4. Focus on the feel of the air on your top lip.

5. Focus on the feel of the air on the small indentation below your nose.

The more you are able to focus on your breath and nothing else, the more you are able to control your ability to concentrate and focus.  With practice, this exercise helps manage many different conditions including anxiety, symptoms of trauma, hyperactivity and increases positivity.

Teach your child to progressively tighten then relax all muscles in their body from their head to their toes.

Technique Three

PROGRESSIVE MUSCLE RELAXATION

This exercise is very good to help with tension and anger within the body.  Firstly, begin by sitting in a comfortable position or lay on your bed or on the floor.  Take ten nice long slow deep breathes feeling the air moving through your nostrils and into your stomach.  Watch your stomach rise and fall with each breath.  If your chest is rising and falling with each breath, take some time to focus on pushing each breath down to your stomach before you begin this exercise.  Belly breathing may take some practice if you are not used to breathing in this manner.  Any new skill takes time, that is okay, try to put some time aside every day to practice effective breathing.  The more you practice the skill the better you will become.  Do not be concerned if this takes time.  Do not judge yourself if it takes you longer than someone else you know.  

Follow the steps in order taking as much time as you need to tighten each section until the muscle group does not feel tight or strained any longer.

1. Tighten your forehead by raising your eyebrows upward and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

2. Squeeze your eyes shut and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

3. Clench your jaw and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

4. Tighten your neck and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

5. Lift your shoulders towards your ears and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

6. Hold your arms in front of you, tighten the muscles and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

7. Clench your hands into fists and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

8. Lift your fists to your shoulders squeeze your bicep muscles and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

9. Take a deep breathe in and hold your chest cavity open as much as you can and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

10. Lift your arms to shoulder height, move your elbows at ninety-degree angles towards your back, squeezing your scapular together and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

11. Clench your stomach muscles towards the back of the chair and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

12. Squeeze your buttock muscles together and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

13. Squeeze your knees and thighs together and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

14. Lift your toes towards your knees, squeeze your knees and ankles together and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

15. Push your toes towards the floor and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing with a breathe.

16. Repeat any muscle area of your body that still has any tense feelings and feel your entire body relax.

This is a wonderful exercise that can have lasting effects throughout your day when you practice this activity before you get out of bed in the morning and can improve your sleep when you practice this activity when you go to bed for the night.

Teach your child to use their imagination to create a nice calm relaxed space in their mind.

Technique Four

CREATIVE VISUALISATION

Creative visualization is the act of creating a visual mental imagery within your mind. Cognitive processes are activated whilst we are imagining pleasant relaxing locations, obtaining goals or anything else that you would like to cultivate within your life.  When we use creative visualizations our visual perception is stimulated.  When we think about the image, notice details and transform the images within our mind a mental imagery is simulated within our brain as though we are experiencing the event at this moment. Thoughts, emotions and our physiology are activated along with the associated experiences.  We have the ability to change our negative thoughts and emotions into positive thoughts and emotions.  

If we are wanting to increase our abilities in certain areas, improve our self-esteem, reduce anxiety or depression, minimise physical or emotional pain or increase the capacity to feel comfortable and cope when socialising we can use creative visualisation to alter our beliefs about ourselves and our world and ultimately change the way we view and experience our world.  Teaching ourselves and our children to change the way we experience the world around us can have significant effects on our ability to regulate our emotions, obtain the goals we would like to achieve, create increases of happiness, motivation, safety and ability to feel comfortable socializing.  There are so many benefits that can be obtained by using creative visualization why don't you write a list of goals that you would like to obtain within your life and start working on one now.  Some of your goals may be to increase concentration or reduce hypervigilance.  This can be achieved by cultivating and creating a nice calm, relaxed, safe place in your mind.  I have given you the links to two balancing creative visualizations below.

Here is a link to a couple of creative visualizations on my website that creates balance, harmony and reduces PTSD, trauma or stress symptoms:

Rainforest Meditation

https://louisewakefieldpsy.wixsite.com/live-your-best-life/blog/tranquility-rainforest-meditation

Beach Meditation

https://louisewakefieldpsy.wixsite.com/live-your-best-life/blog/meditation-ground-yourself-at-the-beach

Practice these activities in any comfortable place, including in your house, outside in a rainforest or another relaxing environment such as a park or in a backyard.  Focus your attention on creating an enjoyable place in your mind by focusing on what you can see, hear, smell, touch, and taste.  The more information you can identify and retain within your imagery the more you will be able to benefit from this activity.  This activity is an easy exercise that can be completed daily to create pleasant sensations, thoughts, and feelings of safety.  

Begin by turn your phone and music off.  Remove as many distractions from around you as you can.  Let the people around you know not to distract you.  

Sit or lie in a comfortable place.  You may like to sit on a chair, on the ground in a rainforest or in a stream.  Make yourself comfortable and focus your thoughts on everything you can imagine or see in the most beautiful, relaxing rainforest.  Take notice of as much detail as you possibly can, everything you can see, hear, smell, touch, and taste.  The more details you can vividly imagine the richer your experience can be.  The more times you practice and focus on this meditation the increased benefits you will receive.

Once you are comfortable, close your eyes or fix your eyes on something pleasant.  Take ten deep breathes.  Breathe in through your nose.  Feel the air moving into your nostrils and down the back of your throat.  Imagine your breath moving into your stomach area.  Take some time to feel your stomach expand with each inhale.  With each breath, you breathe out feel stomach retract as you exhale slowly through your mouth.  Take nice long slow deep breathes in and out of your body, focusing on your breath and how your breath feels within your body as you breathe.

Remember to breathe deeply and as slowly as you can. You may like to count to ten or twenty with each inhalation and exhalation.

Once you feel your mind is focused on your breath, you are relaxed and your thoughts are not racing turn your attention to creating the visualization to target your goal for the day, enjoy and bring your attention to the benefits you have received when you have completed the exercise.

Remember you can repeat these exercise as many times as you would like.  To achieve the best results, repeat this exercises daily.

Change your mind by changing the frequency within your cortex.

Technique Five

BINAURAL BEATS

Binaural beats are auditory sounds between the range of 0.1 to 100 Hertz.  The sounds originate in the superior olivary nucleus located within the auditory brain-stem.  Different ranges of Hertz frequencies are utilized to change the manner in which the brain currently functions.  Two different frequency tones are sent through either the left and right ear in a simultaneous fashion via headphones.  The difference between the two frequency tones is processed within the brain as a new frequency.  There are five core brainwave state categories that can be stimulated to create change within the brain.  

They are as follows:

* Delta (0.1-4 Hz) is good for creating deep sleep, pain relief, anti-aging and increases access to the unconscious mind.

* Theta (4-8 Hz) helps produce rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and a deep relaxation effect within the body.  Additionally, a sense of inner peace is created along with increases in creativity.  Theta is beneficial when meditating and may produce a hypnopompic and hypnagogic state.

* Alpha (8-14 Hz) is beneficial for creating a relaxed focus.  Stress is reduced and positive thinking is activated.  An Alpha beat accelerates learning and increases effortless engagement in activity and within the environment.

* The Beta (14-30 Hz) increases focused attention, analytical thinking and problem-solving.  Energy and action are stimulated along with the ability to increase cognitive functioning.

* Gamma (30-100 Hz) enhances cognitive functioning and memory recall.  This tone frequency increases the ability to process information within the brain bringing the awareness to its peak.  Transcendental states are created with the Gamma frequency.

Binaural beats can be used for the following reasons:

* Increase feelings of elaxation

* Improve your meditation ability

* Increasing focus and concentration

* Improving memory

* Increasing learning

* Improving motivation

* Increasing energy within the body

* Improving creativity

* Decreasing insomnia and improving sleep

* Reducing stress, anxiety, pain, tinnitus and ADHD

* Increasing positive thinking

Free binaural beats can be found on YouTube for a wide range of conditions. Try some of the following binaural beats and take notice of the differences that occur as a result.  Alternatively, you can search for other more specific binaural beats for the target that you would like to focus on.

Binaural Sleep Meditation Music for Positive Energy: Sleep Binaural Beats, Energy Sleep Meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKMEHgSJKkM

This is an effective meditation music that utilizes binaural beats for 9 hours to create a peaceful sleep as well as increasing your energy whilst you are sleeping.

DEEP Theta Binaural Beats ➤ LET GO of Fear, Overthinking & Worries ➤ 432Hz Deep Relaxation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mgwd_3k3pOw

Whole Body Regeneration 8hr ☮ Cell Regeneration & DNA Stimulation & Repair ☮ Delta Binaural Beats https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obrAebOo-Ec&t=7064s

Rebuild Your Brain ✔ Grow New Brain Cells ✔ Powerful Brain Healing Sound ✔ Theta Waves httpAs://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dcIDIvPWX0

♪♫♪♫ »Study Music - SUPER Memory & Concentration █ Alpha BiNaural Beat - Focus Music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX6usZWiMAo&t=2806s

IQ Increase - Improve Cognitive Processing With Brainwave Entrainment - Intelligence Booster https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2qlwAwnMo0

Powerful: Confidence Spoken Affirmations with binaural tones for Healthy Self-esteem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCJkTXS4LoA&t=467s

Law OF Attraction Affirmations for Self-Esteem Self-Love with Alpha Binaural Beats https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMAORdwC7pI

Affirmations ➤ Self-Confidence, Health, Wealth, Abundance, Happiness & Love | Manifest The Good https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za5nVIJKLRs&t=1189s

Healing Chinese ZEN music of Anxiety & Stress | To pacify the body & Mind | Relax Music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyBBZGfUnMs

Happiness Frequency Serotonin, Dopamine, and Endorphin Release Music, Binaural Beats Calming https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGCtEPnYzM8&t=3230s

Help ADD and ADHD with Beta Binaural Beats - Brain Entrainment to Fix ADD and ADHD https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULyLsGVs7ng

ADHD Relief - Focus Music - Study / Work Focus Improvement - Binaural Beats https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMnIsnINckU

Save positive affirmations on your child's phone so they can look at them regularly and repeat them to themselves. No one would ever know they are saying affirmations.

Technique Six

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Positive affirmations are positive statements that change the way we think about ourselves by changing our subconscious thoughts and beliefs.  When we repeat a positive statement either within our mind or verbally to ourselves, an increase in firing of neuron connections within our brain result.  If a statement is repeated multiple times new neural connections are increased or additional neural connections are created.  If the theme of the statement is positive an increase in positive neural connections result.  Alternatively, if the theme of the statement is negative an increase in neural connections that support the negative thought or belief result.  Positive affirmations repeated regularly has the ability to create, increase positive self-belief and sustained change.  Research suggests that this technique is an effective strategy that is suitable for all ages, genders, and cultures.  

It is common for people to have negative self-beliefs and thoughts on a regular basis.  In some situations, the negatives beliefs and thoughts can be more frequent than the positive beliefs and thoughts.  When our mind focuses on more negative than positive thoughts, symptoms of anxiety or depression may result.  To change the ratio of positive to negative thoughts occurring we can use positive affirmations to reduce the negative beliefs and thoughts and increase the positive beliefs and thoughts about ourselves, others or events that occur within our lifetime.  We can alter our negative beliefs and thoughts by identifying a negative thought, problematic behaviour or negative emotion and developing, a positive alternative statement that is opposite to the negative thought, problematic behaviour, and negative emotion.  

1. When developing a positive affirmation begin by thinking about an area that you would like to change.

2. Develop an alternative statement that is positive, written in present tense, with an emotional charge beginning with an ‘I’ statement.  

For example, ‘I am unable to complete …….’ change the negative to a positive statement by rephrasing the statement, ‘I am able to complete …….’. ‘I am sad, lonely nobody likes me.’ change the negative to a positive statement by rephrasing the statement to ‘I am a vibrant person, who is lovable, happy and surrounded by good friends.’

3. Repeat the affirmation every day until your child's belief about themselves changes and becomes positive.

The following are great positive affirmations that can be written on post-it notes or flashcards for children to increase their beliefs in their ability and change their negative thoughts to more positive thoughts.

I am loved.

I listen to my heart.

I am safe.

I have lots of friends who love me.

My dreams are coming true.

I am helpful.

I am friendly.

Every problem has an answer.

I am kind.

I can do it.

I play well with others.

I’m intelligent.

I learn from my mistakes.

I act responsibly.

I am calm.

I love myself even though I sometimes fail.

Every day brings new opportunities.

I accept and love myself.

I am kind.

I am relaxed.

I have faith in myself.

I am brave.

I have trust in myself.

I am generous.

I am loving.

I meet great decisions.

I am kind to all.

I am protected.

Whatever I do, I give my best.

I am exactly where I need to be.

I trust in my abilities.

I solve problems.

I am unique.

I have lots of energy.

I am peaceful.

I can become whatever I want to be.

I embrace change.

I make friends easily.

I accomplish great results.

I have a beautiful imagination.

I am confident.

I welcome the unfoldment of events.

I am caring.

I find creative solutions to my problems.

I think positive.

I am thankful.

I am courageous.

I enjoy testing new ideas.

I am gentle with myself and others.

I am whole.

I have courage.

I have happy thoughts.

I forgive others for their mistakes.

I reach my goals.

Problems are challenges to better me.

I get better and better every day.

I discover the beauty in everything.

I have positive thoughts.

I am in charge of my life.

All is well.

I enjoy discovering something new.

My family and friends love me for who I am.

I am a good friend to myself.

I enjoy learning.

I have many good friends.

I am very creative.

I believe in my abilities.

I am persistent.

I understand complex problems quickly.

I am forgiving.

I am honest.

I am trustworthy.

I always find ways to overcome challenges

I am compassionate.

I listen to my inner wisdom.

I am open to new and exciting possibilities

I make friends easily.

I am growing up well

I give freely.

I am a good influence on others.

I am carrying.

I draw inspiration from life and my role models.

I am awesome.

I have good friends.

I am a good friend.

I am thoughtful and kind.

I enjoy spending time with myself.

I am strong, inside and out.

I am gentle.

I reach for the stars.

Miracles happen to me.

I am joyful.

I am patient.

I am brave.

I am perfect just the way I am.

I keep my body healthy.

I enjoy healthy food.

I am ready to seize the opportunities of the day.

I am awesome.

I care about others.

I feel joy in every corner of my body.

I work hard.

Life is fun.

I meet the right decisions.

I enjoy being cheerful.

I am important.

I can do anything.

I am peaceful.

I approve of myself.

My heart guides me.

I trust my intuition.

I am thankful for being who I am.

I see the good in myself.

I enjoy being happy.

I take pleasure in my life.

I support others with love and kindness.

I enjoy absorbing knowledge like a sponge.

I am a winner.

I am proud myself.

I take care of my responsibilities.

I am beautiful.

I like being challenged.

I am a bright student.

I play an important role in the world.

I like myself.

I am thoughtful.

I trust the wisdom in me.

I replace anger with compassion.

I am optimistic.

I am beautiful.

I am excited about the unknown.

I am full of energy.

I respect other people.

I learn from my mistakes.

I love my family and friends.

I receive all the help that I need.

Everything works out just fine.

Wonderful and awesome things happen to me.

I am kind to others.

I enjoy challenging myself.

I forgive myself for making a mistake.

I believe in myself.

I believe in my dreams.

I have the courage to be myself.

I am okay with who I am.

My intuition is a guide showing me the right direction.

I am worthwhile of all the love and happiness in the world.

List of positive affirmation for children were obtained from: http://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/2015/powerfully-positive-affirmations-for-kids/

Technique Seven

EXPRESS YOURSELF

Expressing yourself by utilizing physical activities decreases the amount of pressure from your thoughts and feelings of being overwhelmed.  It is very important to have a balance of stimulation and calmness within your life.  If there are not enough pleasant activities in your life that you enjoy you may experience feelings of sadness or depression.  By becoming more involved in activities within your life you increase feelings of motivation to participate in activities within your life and create an increase in a positive mindset.   You begin to look forward to and increase participation in tasks.  You experience an increase in the positive effects of pleasant feelings such as happiness.  The likelihood of attainment higher levels of goal completion and achievement result.

Everybody needs a rich environment full of activities that are stimulating for optimum health.  An appropriate balance is needed in your life of study, work and pleasant events.  You can start to balance your child’s life and your own by making a list of all the activities that you and your child enjoys.  Ask your child what activities they enjoy and find helpful to create positive sensations in their life.  Ask about what activities create pleasant thoughts, emotions and feeling in their body, what they have enjoyed in the past and what they think they might enjoy in the future.  The list is endless.  The more activities your child can participate in and enjoy the more they learn, build upon their skill sets and become more happy and positive in their lives.  Highlight items your child enjoys or may enjoy and try as many as you can on a regular basis.

Activities:

- Journaling your thoughts, feelings, special events and memories

- Drawing

- Painting and finger painting

- Creating something such as a model aeroplane or car

- Making playdough

- Make an audio or video of yourself

- Playing sport

- Redecorating your room

- Draw a diagram of a problem or something worrying them

- Yoga

- Scouts

- Youth Groups

- Playing with friends

- Going for a walk along the beach

- Building a sandcastle

- Stargazing and looking at the moon

- Bushwalking

- Swimming

- Socialise in interest groups

- Dancing

- Listening to music

Your child might also like to do some of the following:

1. Make a list and check off the items when they have completed them.  This increases feelings of accomplishment, self-esteem, and autonomy.

2. Talk to their friend, write a letter, facebook, skype, or message their friends depending on the age of your child.  Always make sure you are supervising your child and choose activities that are age appropriate.

Make sure your child participates in age-appropriate activities and are being supervised regularly.

Technique Eight

SOCIALISATION

Positive socialisation has many benefits for children and adults.  By increasing regular occasions of socialisation, we can alter the way we feel.  When people are isolated, are not involved in community activities and have limited ability to mix with family and friends they may feel sad, lonely and lack motivation.  As a general rule overall, the average person requires socialisation three times per week to prevent the negative effects of isolation.  Extroverts enjoy socialisation more than introverts and may benefit from increases in regular weekly social engagements.  

Children learn many skills when they have the ability to socialise on a regular basis and may become awkward, socially inept or experience loneliness when they have not been given the opportunity to socialise with children of similar ages, within groups and adults.  Children learn essential social skills that prepare them for later on in their adult life, such as learning how to respect others, use active listening skills, developing cooperation with others, adjust to a variety of situations and develop compassion and empathy for others.  Children that are given numerous opportunities in many different settings to socialise are able to develop communication skills that enable them to effectively use problem-solving and conflict-resolution strategies.  Children that are not given the opportunity at an early age may develop these skills later on in life.  

Children learn how to regulate their emotions and how to effectively use emotional-related behaviour when they socialise with others.  Spontaneous expression of emotion is learned when children are in the same vicinity as other people.  When two people look at each others faces mirror neurons fire.  Each person automatically mirrors the behaviour and emotional expression of the other subconsciously.  This situation is positive when the other person has positive emotions and behaviours.  Children learn how to act, react and understand the intentions and actions of others.  If a person is surrounded by people that are negative, stressed, depressed, anxious or traumatised they may automatically experience the same effects within themselves due to the firing of mirror neurons.  To increase positive effects of socialisation it is important to monitor the individuals that your child socialises with on a regular basis.  If you as a parent has been through something that is difficult and you feel that your emotions are not as positive as they should be seeking therapy is an important and effective strategy to improve your life so that the negative effects that you experience minimally affect your child.  

There are several strategies to include in your child's life to improve the way they feel about themselves.  They are as follows:

Tasks:

* Be involved in at least three social events each week.

* Join a group activity.

* Attend a class or join a sporting club.

* Spend time with friends each week.

* Be connected on media to increase the ability to send messages, chat and send pictures.

* Invite friends over for a movie night or pizza night on a weekly basis.

* Visit friends each week.

* Join multiple groups so that your child does not only have one group of friends.

* Include friends of friends in group activities to increase the ability to make new friends and develop new

 social skills.

* Increase involvement in volunteer activities.  

Technique Nine

RESPONSIBILITIES

Everybody needs responsibilities.  Without being responsible for making decisions, carrying out tasks and others relying on yourself, your child's emotional and mental maturity maybe slowed, stunted or reduced.  Being responsible for the decisions within your life teaches you to be aware of how you feel in the inside and how your emotions and decisions impact consequences of completing or not completing tasks vice versa.  By being responsible for tasks within your life you begin to identify targets that you would like to attain.  Deadlines are set to complete the task in the required time frame.  Continual dedication to complete the task is required, which requires the ability to regulate your emotions and behaviour.  

Being responsible for ourselves and tasks enable us to learn how our actions affect others. When we teach our children to be responsible for themselves and have tasks that they need to achieve on a regular basis, your teaching your child skills that they will use throughout their entire life, they become happier, more self-reliant and self-confident.

There are numerous benefits from enabling your child to be responsible for tasks along with their own emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations.  Some of the benefits are listed below.

* Increase authenticity

* Self-development

* Increases self-esteem

* Self-reliance

* Self-confidence

* Learn skills

* Self-discipline

* Time management

* Empathy for others

* Consequences of actions

* Increases positive relationships

* Ability to set boundaries

* Carry through and take action on tasks

* Emotional regulation

* Autonomy

* Set and maintain priorities

* Learn to become less affected by people and the environment around them.

Having good boundaries teaches your child how to value themselves.

Technique Ten

BOUNDARIES

Appropriate boundaries are important for everyone.  They help us to set clear specific personal boundaries that increase our own self-care and respectful to ourselves and others.  When we have good self-esteem we also have a greater likelihood of having boundaries that are within acceptable limits of appropriate behaviours and expectations.  By challenging current boundaries and setting boundaries that protect you from vulnerabilities and exploitative relationships your self-esteem also increases.  If someone is criticising you, being rude, inconsiderate or taking advantage of you or if your needs seem to never get fulfilled and it appears as though you continually help others and you have limited help in return then maybe you might need to challenge where your boundaries are and set firmer boundaries.  

You can challenge and set more appropriate boundaries and help your child set more suitable boundaries by writing a list of ways people or situations make you feel unhappy, sad, angry or hurt.  For each situation identify what the motivations of others maybe.  If you think that the situation would benefit from being changed decide on how you would like the situation to change.  Set a new boundary for yourself or teach your child to set a new boundary for themselves.  Practice the new boundary with someone that is considerate, empathetic and willing to help you or your child develop this new skill.  

Once you or your child feels comfortable with the new boundary, can say no to unreasonable situations and requests another boundary maybe worked on.  Setting boundaries is a skill so trial and error should be expected.  Nobody can learn a skill the first go, boundaries are just the same.  It takes perseverance!!!  If you present a good example of boundaries within your life, then others around you learn from your behaviour and feel more comfortable as they realise that they are being respected, cared for and supported in the process.  

Your child will learn and model your behaviour.  Teaching your children to be able to identify situations that require changes of boundaries, setting appropriate boundaries, and maintaining boundaries enables your child to be happier, more fulfilled and authentic.  They are able to protect themselves from others that are boundary breakers and are able to make better decisions for their life.  

During difficult situations where boundaries have not been appropriately set teach your child to remain calm with the use of relaxation exercises.  Teach them to be responsible for their own tasks, thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and behaviours.  Enable your child to express themselves and make the active choices they need to set to create the boundaries that they feel they need in their lives.  They may need help at first to make the best choices for themselves.  Show them how to set appropriate firm boundaries and be consistent in developing new boundaries as dysfunctional situations arise.   

Diffuse essential oils in the environment to get emotional benefits.

Technique Eleven

ESSENTIAL OILS

Essential oils have many therapeutic properties.  Each oil has different constituents that have different functions.  When we smell the essential oil the information is processed within structures of our midbrain called the limbic system.  The limbic system includes the amygdala, hippocampus, thalamus, hypothalamus, basal ganglia, and the cingulate gyrus.  The amygdala is responsible for emotional processing within the brain and is involved with memories of past experiences and the formation of emotional processing of new memories.  The hypothalamus also plays a role in emotional processing within the brain.  When external information is presented, the hypothalamus is activated which sends signals to other structures within the limbic system.  In this way, the hypothalamus sends messages that trigger emotional states in relation to the stimuli that is presented.

For example, when we smell a familiar smell, such as jasmine, a reaction occurs within our brain, neurons are activated, new memories are formed and old memories are identified.  By diffusing essential oils within our environment, applying essential oils in creams to our body, bathing in essential oils or when we apply essential oils to our pillow or clothes we have the ability to change the way we feel.  We can present smells in our environment that evoke positive emotional reactions.  If we are having a down day, we can change the way we feel by choosing a range of essential oils that make us feel happy, confident and content.  We have the ability to change how we experience our world.  We can improve our environment and our internal world.

We can also help others by including essential oils in their lifestyles as well.  We can soothe our children when they are feeling upset with the use of Lavender essential oil, we can increase motivation within the house when we diffuse Lemon essential oil,  We can increase the feelings of contentment when we use Orange, Lavender, Bergamot, Sandalwood, and Ylang-Ylang.  We can help our children feel more confident when we diffuse Ginger, Jasmine, Orange, Fennel and Pine essential oils.  We can help our children to remain alert when they are studying when we diffuse Basil, Bergamot, Black pepper, Peppermint and Rosemary essential oils.  Happiness can be increased when we diffuse essential oils of Orange, Rose, Jasmine, Ginger, Cloves, Cinnamon and Geranium.  We can also use Jasmine, Geranium, Cedarwood, and Sandalwood essential oils to increase our sense of self-esteem.  Essential oils are an easy and nice smelling way to change our emotions and support our children to develop.  Why not let your child choose a few essential oils to diffuse in their bedroom each week?

It is important to ALWAYS show your child kindness, care, compassion and LOVE.

Technique Twelve

LOVE

We have talked about many strategies that help children improve the way they feel.  But overall, the most important factor in producing happy emotions in children is love.  Sharing love with your child makes a child feel worthwhile, cherished and enables them to learn about trust, hope, joy, and protection. Research indicates the positive effects of love are endless.  But the journey of love starts prior to when we are born within our limbic system.  We are affected by those around us and the things that occur within our environment.  Our limbic system fires or is triggered by the experiences that we have on a continual basis. Through our mirror neurons, we experience a synchronising effect with others.  This can have a profound effect on our mental and emotional health and our personality functioning.  When we experience abundant love from others our brains develop networks of neurons that are healthy and form positive networks.  We learn that the world around us is kind, fair, just and considerate.  

In some cases, people have had a lack of love or a lack of safety.  In these instances, their brains operate differently.  The limbic system is altered.  Their amygdala may fire at triggers creating an explosion of negative emotions, physical sensations and thoughts to be activated.  Their mental and emotional functioning may be reduced and over time may learn adaptive behaviours to cope with the situations that they experience.  Anxiety and depression are common side effects when we find ourselves in situations that are not safe, stressful or lack of control.

Negative environmental or dysfunctional relationships impact our mind, emotions, and body.  Through the expression of love and the ability to experience loving stable relationships, the negative effects of environmental stresses and dysfunctional relationships can slowly be reduced and repaired.  The more love the person experiences the greater the amount of learning they may experience.  It is important to learn and understand what love is, how to love others and ourselves and to increase loving behaviours towards others and ourselves daily.

Humans are social beings and need to be socially connected.  We need to experience and to love other people.  There are many ways in which we can demonstrate love to another.  The following is a list that you may like to try with your child:

* Tell them that you love them at least daily.

* Hug your child at least daily.  Research indicates humans require at least three hugs per day to maintain happiness levels.  

* Give your child a kiss on the cheek at least daily.

* Have a date with your child.  Go somewhere interesting or have quality time alone.

* Spend time talking about interests your child has, their future and special memories from the past.

* Speak positive statements within your child’s life.

* Give small random gifts to your child just because you love them.

* Unplug and go camping or switch off all devices and enjoy just being together.

* Play your child’s favourite game.

* Organise a weekly movie or game night.

* Prepare a meal together.

* Support your child with their goals, homework, sporting or special interest.

* Go for a nice drive to the beach or country.

* Surprise your child with something they may enjoy, such as a new book, ice skating or holiday.

* Show gratitude daily to your child for the things that you like about them and for them to just be in your life.

* Look through a photo book together and talk about the past.

* Actively listen to what your child has to say.

* Ask about your child’s day.

* Celebrate all their successes with your child.

* Begin a special interest with your child.  It maybe more beneficial if your child chooses the activity.

They may feel loved, inspired, and more motivated to take part.

Animals also present a wonderful demonstration of unconditional love.  They do not put conditions on relationships or treat others in a threatening manner.  Children can learn what it means to love, have responsibility and to have empathy by looking after pets.  

The benefits of sharing your home with a companion animal are endless, including the following:

* Lowering of blood pressure

* Reduction of anxiety and depression

* Reduction of worry

* Reduction of pain

* Increases of emotional stability and expression

* Reduction of loneliness

* Increases of motivation

* Positive social support

* Increases of exercise

* Reduction of heart attacks

* Beneficial for people with autistic spectrum disorder, attention deficit disorder, grief and trauma.

So as we see the list of activities or ways that we can benefit our child’s ability to regulate their emotions, increase positive emotions and support their journey in life are endless.  I have included in this blog some of the ways that are easy and effective strategies that over time can create lasting change.  Any change is difficult.  To ensure that change occurs, it is best to make changes gradually, consistently and with plenty of positive reinforcement. When you focus on improving your child’s life you are helping the child to understand that they have the power and ability to alter the situations within their lives for the better and to not learn helplessness or the inability to make changes.

Begin by teaching your child to add these activities into their every day. I have included a small chart so that your child can document the activities on a daily basis.  By identifying the completed tasks and mood rating for each day your child is able to take control of their life themselves, identify and learn strategies that enable themselves to handle difficult situations and to continually improving their lives.

Take care and have a wonderful day,

Louise Wakefield

xoxo